Roses and Heartaches

Do you think that there's an end to love? What I mean is, the longer someone's gone, do you think the love diminishes? Is there a limit to its length? I think that every day the answer to that question is different. Some days the loss is as fresh as the day the love left. Some days, you can breathe, not think of it for a stretch, sometimes just for an hour or a few minutes, sometimes for days. Sometimes you'll go a day or a week without breathing once because the loss is suffocating. It takes different faces: anger, hurt, longing. Sometimes it's bittersweet joy, because for a moment, you had it all. I want to tell you the pain gets easier, but it doesn't. You only learn to bear it. But there's comfort in knowing you loved and were loved in return, even though it's no consolation. Only a truth you carry around with you forever. There is no length to love; it's infinite. It lives in you always. Hold on to it. It hurts, but that's how you know it...

Sometimes you find yourself trying to let go of something But it's like you have been swimming in the ocean For a very very long time And you feel like you belong there You are one with the waves The warmth of the water And your body moves in sync with the ocean And you swim around just trying to stay afloat Then you get tired and you start to drown And you swim back to land When you get there you just feel so heavy Because you lost touch with gravity for so long And you collapse on the beach As you try to find balance again And then your feet finds gravity You stand up and you look at the horizon one last time And just know that no matter how beautiful the sea was And how good it made you feel it was never yours for you to keep And somedays you will miss it, you know And you feel yourself moving with the waves And you dream of diving in Then you realize your feet was meant for land And not cut out for the ocean Maybe you're meant to climb trees Or hi...

It doesn’t really matter anymore you know, everything is better when you decide nothing is worth too much effort or a major percentage of your time. People aren’t always worth it, they will always disappoint you, backstab you, lie to your face, shatter your trust and you won’t even see any of these coming as they will be right in your face; smiling, ‘being a friend’, ‘being a lover’, ‘being an acquaintance’ and by the time you realise that you have been played, it’s just too late for the whys and the what ifs. You are left to start afresh with deep wounds, wondering if they will ever heal, wondering if you will be able to open up again, trust again. When you think of all this, you come to realise that it does not matter, it never really did. People go on and on about forgiving and forgetting and starting on a clean slate like its easy; shocker; it is not!!! Just be safe, be weary of people you let in, they don’t always mean well.  You're at peace when you accept this. ...

Lately you act like you don't care anymore, do you really not? Lately you don’t look at me, you don’t really see me like you used to, do you really not? You act like I’m a burden to you, forgive me for holding on so tightly; when I find something I don’t want to lose, I forget I hold it with death grip; I understand I’m a lot to take in. Lately you’ve been glued to your phone, makes me wonder if there’s someone else, it bothers me because that’s how we started. Lately I’ve noticed you’re happy but not with me; it’s okay if you’re happy with someone else, I’m happy that you’re happy even if it’s not with me; I’ll live. You have been dropping subtle hints and try as much as I may, they are stuck in my head; I will understand if you don’t love me like you used to and you’re trying to move on without me. And inasmuch as it doesn’t make sense to me, I will let you go but promise me one thing; when you realise that you destroyed something good, when the illusion clears, w...

Whoever said it was a curse to feel everything so deeply spoke the best truth. You know that feeling where you feel everything changing around you but you can’t do anything about it because others can’t see it, or they choose to not see it and you can’t say anything because you would seem like a sucker, so you choose to hold it in and drown in it and then it messes with your head and you start to confuse fantasy with reality. When someone starts to ‘act weirdly’ around you and you get confused. You don’t know if you should call their attention to it or let it be. If you do call their attention to it, you’re clingy or a freak to have noticed the slightest change; be it the way they shrug their shoulders, stare or smile at you and  you realise it doesn’t reach their eyes anymore, even the way they call your name becomes ordinary, you don’t feel the magic. So you begin to gradually drift, you begin to let until you are nothing but strangers to each other. The crazy part is ...

When someone opens up to you, it's expected that you be human and love this person despite the flaws. When someone loves you, it's fucking rude to hurt them intentionally or treat them like they are cheap cos they aren't scared to show how much they truly care.  When someone shows you a bit of their soul, it is expected that you stare with unadulterated wonder. When someone gives you a piece of themselves it is expected that you cherish the gift and reciprocate.  Too many people out there, trying to be smart, playing people, losing love and you're fortunate enough to have it but too stupid to recognise it even as its staring you in the face you fucking moron. You wouldn't know real if it smacked you in the face with a high chair.  Don't be afraid to lose yourself in the name of love. Love, for love sake.  Yes let it end sadly but for that little while it made u happy, see it as it is. Love is both pleasure and pain. 

Here’s to the woman that sacrifices everything for the people she cares about. Here’s to the woman that recognised her strength when being strong was the only option she had left. Here’s to the woman that has gone through series of heartaches, traumas, pain but still comes out looking like a queen. Here’s to the woman that walks with a smile on her face every morning after crying through the night Here’s to the woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders, yet she walks like they are wings Here’s to the woman that has lost direction in life but is constantly struggling and fighting to make things right Here’s to the woman that has paid for her future and past sins Here’s to the woman that has refused to allow society mould her; to the woman that has refused to allow pain break her. Here’s to that woman, may we know her, may we be her. Happy International Women’s day.

Its like going sky diving from Eiffel Tower naked of proper equipmend, and expecting gravity to overturn the outcome. Its like a queen begging her servants to serve her or a lion running from its prey. Insanity it is for a woman like you to come second or second to last on everything. It would be an injustice for a woman like you to ever fall for a man whose words aren't soaked in integrity and seasoned with consistency. An injustice, i say, to give your body to men who wouldn't dare walk next to you in public nor ever consider standing next to you at the altar. You are more than, ''wifey material''. You are more than potential. You are a beautiful bride who ought to be waiting on her groom. Only a man willing to fulfill that position in your life deserves you darling. Only a man whose mission in your life is to see smiles on your face deserves you. Don't settle, don't ever. You deserve much more than settling.

You deserve more of their attention than their phone does. you deserve quality time, not just time. You deserve effort, not just routines. You deserve to be treated like a priority, not as the last thing on their checklist. You are special and you deserve to be the only option. If that is too much to ask, you are asking it from the wrong person. If begging ever becomes your last approach to receive those things which ought to be so, oh freely given, its safe to say, you are out of your mind. Begging to be loves is suicide.... to be continued