The art of letting go

The art of letting go
You start feeling like you can't do it anymore
Like nothing makes sense 
Like no one understands you
Like you're been stared at endlessly but they see nothing. 
They can't see the pain, the ache, the depression that's waiting to consume you like fire seduced by gasoline 
Only you can see you're a disaster waiting to happen

You start wanting a way out
The easy way out
Because you're tired
Because every breathe has become a struggle
Because the pain never ceases to end
And because you just want to stop feeling
even if its just for a while.
You need the break
a moment where you feel nothing but serenity
and peace of mind.
Where you're oblivious to all that's around you

You think it through
Who's going to notice your absence first?
Who's going to call when no one's heard from you
Who will find you
How long would it take?
You start to strategise 
Not realising you're doing it again
You're trying to let go of the pain
whilst letting go of life
Your life
You forget about others
You don't think of how your loved ones will take this
Its blinding
You don't think of the aftermath
You just want it to end
You're tired

You do your research
Get everything in place
And wait for the perfect moment
You may even write a note
''don't cry for me,
I'm in a happy place
This is better'',
You lay down
holding onto your desired means of escape
Say a prayer
Sigh....
And then you do it

But last minute
You realise it isn't at all what you wanted
You wanted a way out but maybe
Just maybe, you could have tried something differently
You could have opened up 
And allow yourself love 
and be loved in return
You say a prayer to God
Please, 
If you truly exist
I need more than a moment to live life again
And give it my best shot
Because even if its a bit late
You've come to realise that 
This isn't escape
It isn't art 
Its giving up
Its not letting go

The art of letting go
Is the art of trying again
Giving happiness a chance. 

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