Roses and Heartaches

Don't tell me you're crazy about me, act it. Don't tell me you love me, show me. We live an era of people spewing more 'I love you's' than please. They say it to lower your inhibitions. A supposed boyfriend says it to his "the one" everyday yet he's out there getting to know different other girls as a prerequisite for a future relationship, loser. I don't need another lie, I lie to myself enough as it is. I don't need complications, if I'm not good enough for you, let me go, someone else has somehow proven he can't live without me. Unbound me from my illusion of loving you, set me free so I can find the one made for me. Don't act like I'm the queen in this game when I'm nothing but a pawn, ready to be sacrificed  I'd rather you let me go than I hate you. And when I go, don't come back with regrets I don't want no 'baby please I fucked up' Dude, you had your chance and...

The art of letting go You start feeling like you can't do it anymore Like nothing makes sense  Like no one understands you Like you're been stared at endlessly but they see nothing.  They can't see the pain, the ache, the depression that's waiting to consume you like fire seduced by gasoline  Only you can see you're a disaster waiting to happen You start wanting a way out The easy way out Because you're tired Because every breathe has become a struggle Because the pain never ceases to end And because you just want to stop feeling even if its just for a while. You need the break a moment where you feel nothing but serenity and peace of mind. Where you're oblivious to all that's around you You think it through Who's going to notice your absence first? Who's going to call when no one's heard from you Who will find you How long would it take? You start to strategise  Not realising you're do...

I came to  I try to remember the chaos around me  Broken bottles, filth, burnt cigars How did I end up in this mess Then it comes to me Piece by piece This is what I've been reduced to This is what my life's like now since you left Since you've been gone I wake up every morning With no idea of the night before My reminders are the bottles littered around The nude bodies in my bed the cold strange faces I wake up to And sometimes, when I wake up alone  I have to try a little bit harder  To piece the fragments together Ever since you left Life has been a blur Days go by in a haze And I'm lost in my mind Ever since you left Memories of you is the hardest place to visit  How do I survive this Friends tell me it will be alright They don't know how it feels To lose someone That was once a part of your soul  Ever since you left I find solace in the bottom of bottles I hold onto them for dear li...

I don't know what this is all i know is when im with you im happy seconds turn to minutes and minutes to hours Its never enough I find myself wanting more, more than i ever thought possible. You make me happy You make me feel like im enough You make me feel beauty you make me feel like im all you've ever wanted How do you make me feel these when others have tried and failed? You make me come alive. I gave up on happy but here i am standing by your side next to you with this bone cracking grin on my face and this glow i feel from within Its beyond anything i've ever felt. If this is what love feels like i want to never lose it i want to spend the rest of my life by your side hoping nothing changes you'll be you and i'll be me and we'll be just what we are right now, happy and in love oblivious to the world around us

Words fail me I can't seem to describe how I feel Maybe this is what emptiness feels like But what do I know Emotion fails me  This void is indescribable  Its more than a dictionary meaning I'm still trying to understand Love failed me The one thing I believed in The one thing I thought would carry me on The only thing I loved to love Who would have thought What happened to us Our perfect The little world of our own Where we had thrones And we ruled Side by side As king and queen We had forever before us Infinite was just a word Our foundation Oh our foundation Built on love  As strong as titanium We had our wars  We won We had our weaknesses  We got better We had our flaws Oh sweet beautiful flaws  We had our heaven We had us But now, Look at us! We are nothing Mere humans  We ain't even got the blood of gods Its but red Mortality stinks around us Hatred flows wi...

We’ve become strangers to ourselves. We barely say two words to each other. I’m watching you slip away, fading gradually. You’re not even there when I try to talk to you, your mind is on a journey; so, eager to travel, far far away from me. I stare at you but I don’t see you. I feel like I barely know you anymore I talk to you and you forget to smile, but I see you smile at other people. Is there someone else? Are you in love with her? Cause I see she makes you laugh like I used to. She makes you come alive in ways only I used to. I miss us. I miss our little moments, the little things you used to do that meant everything to me.   I miss the nights we get so wasted and talk about our future together. Is it still with me? I'm scared to touch you cause i feel im no longer good enough You dont see me like you used to I;m no longer your world And even as i stay, convincing myself you're good enough for me; all i feel is this loneline...

She would give her soul to feel loved. She would sell herself short to have that love even if its unrequited. Shes walked through fire, her heart's been broken, her feet are sore, no more tears to cry. She wants to be loved, loved with a love so strong, so real, so passionate- loved with the lights on. She wants to be seen, she needs to be mended; she craves for sanity, for an unbroken mind.  She would kill to feel again; she just wants to be loved... A moment, thats all she asks for. Love her like a life depends on it, it just might. Kiss her like a butterfly feeding on the best nectar its ever found, touch her like you're scared she'd be broken, breathe her in like shes the only air you need to survive, adore her like the roses in your garden, treat her like you'll never find anyone better, hold her like you're scared she'd slip away, and fall in love with her like she's all you've ever wanted.  When her flaws make her cringe, and she hides in the ...

You don't get to make me make you my everything and then leave.  You don't get to make me bare myself to you and act indifferent about it. You don't get to see my soul and still walk away like it was nothing You don't get to see the weakest part of me and walk away like you don't see me breaking to pieces You don't get to make me love you and not treat me like I should be treated.  You don't get to give me a taste of what I've been missing out on and pull out the rug off from under my feet.  You don't get to leave me hanging freely, falling with nothing to break the fall and no one to catch me. You don't get to give me a taste of extraordinary and watch me go back to ordinary. You don't get to wield so much power over me You don't get to turn me into this staggering mess and expect me to be fine You don't get to fall in love with me and fall out of it as quickly just because... No, you don't get to leave aft...

She used to be that broken girl Always seeking validation from you Always waiting for the next lies you'd spew The girl that worshipped at your feet, feeding on the crumbs of the hurtful words you carelessly threw Shackled by a lack of self worth Imprisoned in the illusion of not being good enough Hating herself for being so good to you even when she knew you were underserving of her: but that was yesterday. She used to be that girl that constantly wanted to matter that was crazy for your attention that would do anything for you even if it tore her into pieces. The broken girl that looked like a husk of herself, the one fed up with life, the one with trust issues, that one that holds everyone at bay and has built a fortress around herself She used to be that girl. But she's not anymore. Because that girl has grown; she now understands her worth, she now knows that she doesn't need any validation from anyone, she forgave herself and rose above the hurt,...

You claimed to love me; Yet I was so easily dropped Couldn’t you have at least tried carrying me just a little bit longer? I guess I was too much of a weight you couldn’t wait to discard. You made so many promises I basked in the glory of your lies I worshipped the words you spewed I believed in us I adored the wrongs you did me That’s how much I was hooked on you. Like a butterfly to nectar you had your fill of me and then you needed a new flavour. I’m still here, I still glow, Even with the scars I stare at them every day They have become my halleluyah. Theres still sadness in my eyes I still see no light I feel like I have no more fight in me. So, wilted as I am i’m still hoping your lies will become truth Call me hopeless theres nothing romantic about this Somehow I believe you will wander again Into my arms And I’ll be here to receive you Wholeheartedly and love you Like you never even left.

Do you think that there's an end to love? What I mean is, the longer someone's gone, do you think the love diminishes? Is there a limit to its length? I think that every day the answer to that question is different. Some days the loss is as fresh as the day the love left. Some days, you can breathe, not think of it for a stretch, sometimes just for an hour or a few minutes, sometimes for days. Sometimes you'll go a day or a week without breathing once because the loss is suffocating. It takes different faces: anger, hurt, longing. Sometimes it's bittersweet joy, because for a moment, you had it all. I want to tell you the pain gets easier, but it doesn't. You only learn to bear it. But there's comfort in knowing you loved and were loved in return, even though it's no consolation. Only a truth you carry around with you forever. There is no length to love; it's infinite. It lives in you always. Hold on to it. It hurts, but that's how you know it...

Sometimes you find yourself trying to let go of something But it's like you have been swimming in the ocean For a very very long time And you feel like you belong there You are one with the waves The warmth of the water And your body moves in sync with the ocean And you swim around just trying to stay afloat Then you get tired and you start to drown And you swim back to land When you get there you just feel so heavy Because you lost touch with gravity for so long And you collapse on the beach As you try to find balance again And then your feet finds gravity You stand up and you look at the horizon one last time And just know that no matter how beautiful the sea was And how good it made you feel it was never yours for you to keep And somedays you will miss it, you know And you feel yourself moving with the waves And you dream of diving in Then you realize your feet was meant for land And not cut out for the ocean Maybe you're meant to climb trees Or hi...

It doesn’t really matter anymore you know, everything is better when you decide nothing is worth too much effort or a major percentage of your time. People aren’t always worth it, they will always disappoint you, backstab you, lie to your face, shatter your trust and you won’t even see any of these coming as they will be right in your face; smiling, ‘being a friend’, ‘being a lover’, ‘being an acquaintance’ and by the time you realise that you have been played, it’s just too late for the whys and the what ifs. You are left to start afresh with deep wounds, wondering if they will ever heal, wondering if you will be able to open up again, trust again. When you think of all this, you come to realise that it does not matter, it never really did. People go on and on about forgiving and forgetting and starting on a clean slate like its easy; shocker; it is not!!! Just be safe, be weary of people you let in, they don’t always mean well.  You're at peace when you accept this. ...

Lately you act like you don't care anymore, do you really not? Lately you don’t look at me, you don’t really see me like you used to, do you really not? You act like I’m a burden to you, forgive me for holding on so tightly; when I find something I don’t want to lose, I forget I hold it with death grip; I understand I’m a lot to take in. Lately you’ve been glued to your phone, makes me wonder if there’s someone else, it bothers me because that’s how we started. Lately I’ve noticed you’re happy but not with me; it’s okay if you’re happy with someone else, I’m happy that you’re happy even if it’s not with me; I’ll live. You have been dropping subtle hints and try as much as I may, they are stuck in my head; I will understand if you don’t love me like you used to and you’re trying to move on without me. And inasmuch as it doesn’t make sense to me, I will let you go but promise me one thing; when you realise that you destroyed something good, when the illusion clears, w...

Whoever said it was a curse to feel everything so deeply spoke the best truth. You know that feeling where you feel everything changing around you but you can’t do anything about it because others can’t see it, or they choose to not see it and you can’t say anything because you would seem like a sucker, so you choose to hold it in and drown in it and then it messes with your head and you start to confuse fantasy with reality. When someone starts to ‘act weirdly’ around you and you get confused. You don’t know if you should call their attention to it or let it be. If you do call their attention to it, you’re clingy or a freak to have noticed the slightest change; be it the way they shrug their shoulders, stare or smile at you and  you realise it doesn’t reach their eyes anymore, even the way they call your name becomes ordinary, you don’t feel the magic. So you begin to gradually drift, you begin to let until you are nothing but strangers to each other. The crazy part is ...

When someone opens up to you, it's expected that you be human and love this person despite the flaws. When someone loves you, it's fucking rude to hurt them intentionally or treat them like they are cheap cos they aren't scared to show how much they truly care.  When someone shows you a bit of their soul, it is expected that you stare with unadulterated wonder. When someone gives you a piece of themselves it is expected that you cherish the gift and reciprocate.  Too many people out there, trying to be smart, playing people, losing love and you're fortunate enough to have it but too stupid to recognise it even as its staring you in the face you fucking moron. You wouldn't know real if it smacked you in the face with a high chair.  Don't be afraid to lose yourself in the name of love. Love, for love sake.  Yes let it end sadly but for that little while it made u happy, see it as it is. Love is both pleasure and pain. 

Here’s to the woman that sacrifices everything for the people she cares about. Here’s to the woman that recognised her strength when being strong was the only option she had left. Here’s to the woman that has gone through series of heartaches, traumas, pain but still comes out looking like a queen. Here’s to the woman that walks with a smile on her face every morning after crying through the night Here’s to the woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders, yet she walks like they are wings Here’s to the woman that has lost direction in life but is constantly struggling and fighting to make things right Here’s to the woman that has paid for her future and past sins Here’s to the woman that has refused to allow society mould her; to the woman that has refused to allow pain break her. Here’s to that woman, may we know her, may we be her. Happy International Women’s day.

Its like going sky diving from Eiffel Tower naked of proper equipmend, and expecting gravity to overturn the outcome. Its like a queen begging her servants to serve her or a lion running from its prey. Insanity it is for a woman like you to come second or second to last on everything. It would be an injustice for a woman like you to ever fall for a man whose words aren't soaked in integrity and seasoned with consistency. An injustice, i say, to give your body to men who wouldn't dare walk next to you in public nor ever consider standing next to you at the altar. You are more than, ''wifey material''. You are more than potential. You are a beautiful bride who ought to be waiting on her groom. Only a man willing to fulfill that position in your life deserves you darling. Only a man whose mission in your life is to see smiles on your face deserves you. Don't settle, don't ever. You deserve much more than settling.

You deserve more of their attention than their phone does. you deserve quality time, not just time. You deserve effort, not just routines. You deserve to be treated like a priority, not as the last thing on their checklist. You are special and you deserve to be the only option. If that is too much to ask, you are asking it from the wrong person. If begging ever becomes your last approach to receive those things which ought to be so, oh freely given, its safe to say, you are out of your mind. Begging to be loves is suicide.... to be continued

You don’t need to beg anyone to like you. You don’t need to convince a guy to choose you. You don’t need to show him that you’re worth it, you know why? Because a guy that knows, knows. Its either he wants you for the long run or he just wants to play, and honey, you shouldn’t play that game. That’s why we have always been asked to be wary of who we spend our time with, who we feed our soul to, people will drain you in many ways, physically, mentally, intellectually, some will dry your soul and most will leave you running on empty whilst wrongfully wanting more of you. Always be smart enough to figure this out so you don’t wake up one day feeling like trash and putting yourself to blame. Your value does not depreciate based on someone’s inability to see your worth, that’s why you should always treat yourself like you want others to treat you, set that example.

People tend to ask me what scares me the most and are always surprised at my answers. They probably expected answers like spiders, ghosts etc, but no, that’s not what scares me. What I’m scared most of is not someone falling out of love with me, I think it’s inevitable, I'm not scared of being looked at one day and deciding I'm not good enough, I probably never was, I'm not scared of hate; no!  I'm scared of starting afresh, i truly am. I am scared of baring myself open to someone else again because it didn't work out the other time. I am honestly scared of trying again on the possibility of this could be it. I’m scared that I'd make the same mistake or get hurt all over again, I'm scared of a pattern, fall in love with me, then decide I'm no longer what you want, and u fall out of love with me, letting go, just like that. I don’t know how people survive this, but it scares me to my bones.  And it's what keeps me up at night.